Today, we went to the Tucson Rodeo. It was quite a day -- sunny, about 65 degrees and the Tucsonans were showing off their most impressive fashion faux pas. Here is a description of my favorites:

The man who strutted down the bleachers with no shirt, but a slight overhang in the tummy area, and a major farmer tan. He was lily white below his collarbones and he really thought he was something.

The woman in front of us who was wearing all white -- white pedal pushers, white shirt, bright green shoes and a green jacket that matched her shoes exactly. This isn't a fashion faux pas until she turned around to take the jacket off. The shirt and the jacket had been be-dazzled in the exact same pattern and she had accessorized with a rhinestone belt and sunglasses. It was quite a look.

Another woman close by had dyed her hair bright red, but hadn't been to the hairdresser in awhile. This would have been ok, but she had curled her hair into big pouffy sausage rolls and had failed to fully comb out the back. This meant that in the back, there was a big patch of scalp showing along with black roots. Bad scene. Please, let it not happen to me.

The girl who went by wearing skin tight jeans (there were lots of those), with a spaghetti strap top who couldn't fit her phone into the pocket of the jeans. She decided to stow it in the armpit side of her bra. The antenna was sticking out towards her armpit. Very attractive.

The many, many people that were wearing jeans that were skin tight and had no rear end. People, this just emphasizes that you have no curve at all. If you have a set of legs like pipe cleaners, and a rear end that isn't discernable from those pipe cleaners, don't wear skin tight jeans... especially jeans with no back pockets. Very bad.

The many women of all ages that were wearing cowboy boots.... with stilletto heels. This is not only a bad look, but a bad choice considering that we are all sitting in bleachers.

The men's contribution to Rodeo fashion this year were the ostrich boots. All the men had ostrich boots on in pastel colors with a matching belt. The boots were all of the super pointy variety with the slanted heels.

If you must wear a belt buckle the size of your head, make sure that your stomach doesn't push it forward.

The girl who wore a straw cowboy hat with rolled up sides, cowboy boots, and a baby doll shirt. That is it. Just the shirt. Nothing else. The shirt came to just below rear end crease level. She had to hold the shirt down to go down the stairs. I think this look sends all the wrong messages.

And finally, my personal favorite, the chickie who was wearing super super super lowrise jeans with a black sleeveless t-shirt (tucked in, Thank God), and a western shirt turned into a bolero shirt. This is fairly conventional for Tucson, but what really made it the worst thing I have ever seen was the belt. This girl was wearing a rhinestone belt that was about two inches wide and very flashy with a HUGE belt buckle with the name TOM in block letters. Now remember, her jeans buttoned about 6 inches below her belly button. This is just not ok ever. You cannot wander around in a public place with some guy's name on your private area. This is not ok. I cannot imagine what her mother thought about this and if any girl ever appears with one of the guys' names on a belt, there will be a problem. Yup, I am officially an old fart.